Freaking Patrol

Rawr! I just have to get that out of my system first. This patrol is a short one, so I'm not to concerned about it, but that doesn't mean my children share my lack of concern. Oh no.
Lilly is what is called a "spirited" child. What that roughly translates into is I have to suppress the urge to murder her at least once a day. It's not that she's intentionally trying to test her boundaries, she simply lacks the concept of understanding boundaries. Punishments go like this: she does something bad (hits her brother, dumps all her toys out, ect.) I punish her only to her it's not a consequence as much as it is "i was doing something I wanted to do and you hurt my feelings on purpose". To her the two things are completely unrelated no matter how many times I maker her tell me what she's done to earn the punishment. It's intensely frustrating. Today, for example, I was feeling a little stressed so I made it a point to stay home. Lilly made it a point to test my sanity. I eventually had to spank her to get my point across and while it worked, she did finally do what I told her, she also followed me around the rest of the night telling me how I need to say sorry to her for hurting her feelings.
Oh, and Nicole. Good lord that kid scared the piss out of me twice tonight. Twice. I put the kids to bed and I was going about my night stuff and as I turned a corner, there was Nicole sneaking in like a freaking gremlin. It didn't fully register at first and I yelled "Shit!" and barely succeeded in stopping myself in time from punching her. I'm not the kind of person you sneak up on. After a second I asked her what was wrong and she said she couldn't get comfortable. I tucked her back into bed, kissed her goodnight, and went off to make my dinner. Twenty minutes later my dinner is almost done and as I turn around to open the oven, Freaking Gremlin! Aaah! "What the hell, Nicole?" "My back hurts" "Okay sweetie, you need to go back to bed and tuck yourself back in and make yourself comfortable and stop coming out and scaring the bejesus out of mommy by sneaking up on me like a little gremlin. You're going to sleep now. I love you, goodnight" And I gave her a kiss and sent her back. I haven't seen her since, but that doesn't mean I won't wake up at five am with a Nicole face inches from mine watching me sleep.

Nicoleisms

"Do you want me to tell you something that does not make sense?"
"Uh, sure sweetie"
"Mustard + mustard = chocolate syrup. See? That does not make sense."
"You are right, that does not make sense" In a side note I think she may have triggered an aneurysm while I pondered what the hell that meant.
                                                   
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As we're watching Hansel and Gretel we get to the part where Gretel starts spreading breadcrumbs and I ask her "Do you know why that's a bad idea?"
"Yeah, because the animals will eat it."
"That's right, it would be better to use leaves or pine cones, huh?"
"Yeah, but not dead birds."
"What?"
"Dead birds. Other animals would eat that."
"Uh, yeah. I guess you're right on that one."

Disturbing Art

So I walk past Nicole and her friend coloring in the other room and I see this picture. What the hell?!? After I took a deep breath to calm myself I realize they traced it and then I found the source. An innocent little bookmark. Still, that is totally disturbing to look at. The girls have no idea why I took a picture of their art.

Things I never thought I'd need to yell...

"Lilly! Stop kissing your sister's butt!" "But Nicole told me to" "Nicole! Stop making Lilly kiss your butt!"
I don't know what's worse; that I have to yell it at all or that it isn't the first warning. Seriously. Why?

Lilly is only going to get worse, isn't she?

Lilly has some listening issues, much like any four year old, I guess. Last night I told her it was dinner time. Nothing. "Lilly, get in your seat and eat!" No response. "Lilly! If I have to count I'm going to spank you" "I'm coming!" Still no Lilly. "One...Two..." Lilly pops in like no big thing. I spank her and when I'm done I say "Lilly, you need to listen when I'm talking to you" and she just looks at me with her big blue eyes and says "Haha, I farted"
Goddammit....

Lilly Quotes

Lilly this morning: *cough cough* "Mommy? Can we not go anywhere today?" Me: "Sure, we're not going anywhere, anyway" Lilly: continues as if I didn't speak "Because I don't feel well" *cough cough* "I just want to stay home" *cough cough* "and not go anywhere" *more fake coughing (seriously, kid. You're laying it on a little thick)* "except maybe chuck e cheese..." 

That was Lilly's version of trying to get out of eating her breakfast.